Friday, 14th May 2021

Pizza delivery man quits after ten years without shagging one single customer

A PIZZA delivery man has finally quit his job after not having sex with a single customer during his decade-long career.

Ryan Whittaker took the job aged 19 because he was between girlfriends and thought that an endless series of no-strings encounters with bored horny students and home-alone MILFs would be just the thing, but has been badly disappointed.

He said: “Ten years and not a sniff. Was it all a big lie? Have I been the fool, all along?

“I almost quit within the first month, when it became apparent that the average attractiveness of the customers was well below the level I’d come to expect, but I didn’t want to waste my fortnight’s training.

“A decade later and I’ve never had a cougar answer the door naked. Not even once. Do they even think about our feelings? Are there even cougars now?”

“Mainly it’s been fat blokes. And even when there was a woman for whom I’d be willing to risk breaching the Papa John’s code of conduct, she’s not been in the least interested.

“Young people, don’t fall for it like I did. There are way better jobs if you want casual sex, like furniture removals or electrician. I assume. Actually you know what, I’m going to look into that.”