Shops think you want a Christmas sandwich

SUPERMARKETS are convinced that customers want unpleasant Christmas sandwiches that are a mockery of festive food, it has emerged.

Their belief that Britons crave a crude, snack-sized approximation of a traditional turkey dinner they can eat at their desks has brought a wealth of products to shelves, each equally unappetising.

A supermarket spokesman said: “Our turkey sandwiches are exactly like a festive roast with all the trimmings, if you serve yours stone cold between slices of brown bread.

“There’s cranberry-flavour sauce, gristly sausage chunks and a huge squirt of mayonnaise for ‘lubrication’. And who could resist that rubbery bacon and lovely bland stuffing?”

Marketing manager Donna Sheridan said: “When I eat a Christmas sandwich it’s as if I’m at a Victorian banquet with a huge, golden turkey and elegant guests sipping sherry.

“While I’m walking down the street, in the pissing rain, on my way back to work, in the mid-afternoon dark when I’m already into my overdraft.

“Merry Christmas, one and all. In November.”