Robert Mugabe’s leaving party an awkward affair

ATTENDEES of the after-work drinks party thrown for  Robert Mugabe have agreed that the atmosphere was ‘beyond awkward’.

Organised by army generals, the party had booked the top floor of a Harare bar but when only seven guests had arrived by 7pm, the manager opened it to other customers.

Standing under a banner reading ’37 YEARS AT THE TOP!’, guests including opposition party members, the South African ambassador and a bishop stiffly attempted small talk while bowls of crisps went untouched.

Former vice-president Emmerson Mnangagwa said: “Wow. Talk about cringe.

“I asked Robert if his wife Grace would be coming but he mumbled a vague excuse about her waiting in for a delivery, then joked about how she’d be seeing too much of him from now on anyway.

“By half-eight there were only five of us, so I got him up to give his speech but he was only halfway through before the barman turned the volume right up on Firestarter. 

“I went right after that to get my train, but apparently he was there until closing time buying pints for some young colonel.

“God, I hope they weren’t planning a popular uprising or anything. I wouldn’t know where to put my face.”