THE UK is set for a full economic recovery after reports came in of some mad bastard buying a f**king Easter egg.
The egg, which was a proper big one not one of those Buttons ones that cost a quid, was purchased in a Bolton supermarket for full price despite the country being under lockdown in the first week of February.
Assistant manager Joanna Kramer said: “It all started off pretty normally. He had bread in his basket, yoghurt, some Alpro almond long-life milk.
“Next thing, staff alert me that he’s wandered into the seasonal aisle. Again no big deal. Customers have been known to grab the odd unseasonal pack of Creme or Mini Eggs. It’s frowned upon but unfortunately that’s the world we live in.
“Then he left the aisle, and the f**king maniac only had a full massive Easter egg in his basket. A full-price Lindor one, the magnificent bastard, with the truffles.
“He strode up to the checkout, paid for it and left, leaving the entire shop gaping in admiration. Confidence like that could inspire a whole wave of copycat incidents. We might get through this after all.”