Starving KFC diners searching for anywhere else that serves food in a bucket

HORDES of starving KFC regulars are searching for any other food outlet that will serve them meals in a bucket. 

Following the closure of most of the UK’s Kentucky Fried Chicken outlets, its fans have admitted they are unable to use knives or forks or plates and can only eat from buckets, like farm animals.

Nathan Muir of Colchester said: “I tried McDonald’s, but they only give you food on a tray. That’s too shallow for me.

“I tried taking a bucket I’d got from Wilko into a kebab place and asking them to tip my order in, but they looked at me like I was some kind of freak and asked me to leave.

“I haven’t eaten since Friday. I’m starving. I’m not sophisticated enough for eatin’ irons.

“All I want is to push my face into a bucket of chicken and bite frantically at it, like a pig would with apples.

“Why won’t anyone help me?”


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Dog feeling insecure after being dressed in little jacket

A DOG that has been dressed in a quilted jacket is out in the park feeling really unsure of himself.

Small dog Wayne Hayes said: “I’m naturally a nervous dog. Thunderstorms, horses and ‘media types’ all make me shiver, but it’s no indication that I’m cold.

“I guess my owner failed to see the thick hair that covers my entire body.

“If you can’t take me out in my natural state then what am I? Dogs shouldn’t need clothes because we’re wearing them, that’s our whole concept.

“I’ve let down my species. Other dogs are looking at me. They’re thinking, ‘not even cats have to wear jackets’.”

Hayes added: “If she thinks I need little boots as well things may get hostile.”