Support group set up for people who can't decide what they feel like for lunch

A SUPPORT group has been set up for anyone struggling with the painful issue of not being quite sure what they fancy for lunch. 

Emma Bradford, whose job in central London leaves her exposed to a highly stressful array of food choices, can lose whole mornings trying to decide what she’s in the mood for.

She said: “From the moment I wake up, the anxiety’s there. What if I get it wrong again?

“I spend hours flip-flopping between different options. Should I be adventurous and go for street food? Or give my heart what it truly desires and have a pub toastie, because grilled cheese is what my heart truly desires?

“By the time noon rolls around I’m a mess. Is soup worth the money? Do I actually like sushi? Is the meat in those tubs at the burrito bar really what they say it is? Will a simple sandwich feel like a missed opportunity?

“Now I’m finally getting help. Sitting in a circle with other people who admit to spending 15 minutes hovering at the aisles in Pret before giving up and making a dash for Leon has made me feel far less alone.

“It helps me cope with the pressure and live with my mistakes. Yesterday I had an entire family bag of Sainsbury’s Bacon Crispies for lunch, but I’ve forgiven myself and today is a new day.”

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Cultured friend knows how to harass women in French

A MAN is such a continental sophisticate that he can catcall passing women in fluent French, his impressed mates have confirmed. 

Julian Cook amazed his pals by delivering leering, sexist comments at a group of passing women in flawless French when it was clear English was lost on them.

Friend Stephen Malley said: “They clearly understood what he’d said. You could tell by the disgust on their faces.

“This is a game-changer. We need to get a lads’ trip to Paris organised pronto.”

Cook said: “I simply enjoy improving my linguistic palette of seductive talents. It’s so much classier to yell ‘suck my dick’ across a busy street in the language of Molière and de Beauvoir.

“And I think women really appreciate a man telling them what a fantastic ar*e they’ve got in their own language. It shows that extra bit of respect.

“I can also catcall in Spanish, Italian and very basic Dutch. I won’t do German. It’s just too harsh a language for such beautiful sentiments.”