Wednesday, 12th August 2020

Naturally unsociable shut-in Italians taking easily to quarantine

ITALY, a country of uncommunicative recluses who shun physical contact, is adapting easily to nationwide lockdown according to citizens. 

A nation of people renowned for staying in, avoiding any kind of religious or sporting gatherings and never hugging strangers has barely had to change its habits at all to follow new coronavirus restrictions.

Adriano Gabrieli of Milan said: “It’s not like we spend hours in cafés anyway. As a people, we pretty much keep ourselves to ourselves.

“Also we’re notoriously sticklers for obeying rules and place all our faith in science rather than relying on some abstract higher power to save us, so it couldn’t have happened to a more suitable country.

“Staying home’s no problem. Certainly none of us will get involved in passionate, voluble arguments with family members and walk out slamming doors, and also we’re not given to extra-marital affairs.”

He added: “Supermarkets sold out of pasta? No, of course not. That would only happen in a total coglione of a nation.”