A SHORTAGE of Walkers Crisps may lead to Britons eating other crisp brands that taste much nicer, experts have warned.
The leading crisp manufacturer has admitted that production will not be able to meet demand for the rest of November, leaving snackers with no option but to eat crisps which do not leave a foul greasy film over their whole mouths.
Crisp fan Tom Logan said: “A month without crisps that come in 600 different flavours and brands but all taste exactly the f**king same? This is a disaster for Walkers.
“Ever since their Lineker-enforced hegemony began in the 1990s actual proper crisps have become a niche item. Especially in the Midlands, as if those poor bastards haven’t suffered enough.
“Decent crisps have either fled to family sharing bags or are only available in regions, like brave hold-outs against a dictatorship. Everywhere you turn it’s Walkers or Walkers’ Sensations or horrible American Doritos.
“For a month we can enjoy flavourful, thrilling crisps. Our mouths will tingle to Seabrook or Tyrrell’s or beautiful Taytos. The whole nation will realise Walkers are a pale, tasteless mockery of God’s own food.
“Then Walkers will be back in the shops and we’ll buy them again, because we’re a nation of shit-eating twats.”