RESTAURANTS are closing down in vast numbers. Is it because people are struggling with the cost of living or because eateries do these f**king annoying things?
Don’t accept bookings
What kind of tragic control freak wants to be certain that when they arrive at a restaurant there will be a table available with the right number of seats? If you genuinely wanted to eat at this expensive, overhyped establishment, you’d be happy to wait in a long, barely-moving queue and would not sack it off for the KFC next door. Call yourself a foodie? Pfft.
Make you share a table
You’ve made it through the door, which is when they spring on you the fact that you’ll be sharing a long, canteen-style table with three other parties. You wanted a pleasant catch-up with your closest friends, but now you’re swapping stories about your latest break-up in front of a family of four and a shitfaced hen party who keep chipping in with advice. Maybe they can manage this sort of thing in Europe, but it doesn’t wash in Basingstoke.
Only serve small plates
A meal out is a treat, so you want a big plate of something delicious all to yourself. However, the waiter says you each need at least four small plates, which cost £9 a pop, and when they arrive there is hardly anything on them, which leaves you feeling both hungry and ripped off. No, you do not want to see the dessert menu. You want to go and get a McFlurry.
Put a time limit on the table
When you sit down you’re told they need the table back in 1.5 hours, which puts an unpleasant time limit on your meal, especially as one of your mates is habitually half an hour late. You’re still finishing your coffee as the next party arrives so you swill it quickly back while a waiter hovers menacingly near you, which gives you heartburn and ensures you leave in a bad temper.
Expect you to pay a service charge and a tip
A lot of restaurants nowadays expect you to pay a service charge and add it to the bill automatically. Okay, you think, that’s fine, we all need to get paid. But then when the waiter presents you with the card machine with the message ‘Would you like to add a tip?’ emblazoned across the screen, you feel a bit antsy. You’d much rather leave a few quid on the table rather than feel railroaded into it, but you also don’t want to look tightfisted. So you tip, but with incredibly bad grace.
