Wetherspoons’ beer shortage could be followed by Wetherspoons’ inedible food shortage

PUB chain Wetherspoons has admitted that their beer shortage could be followed by a shortage of food only palatable to drunks. 

The landlord, which has warned that a shortage of carbon dioxide could see pumps dry during the World Cup, has added that a nationwide roadkill shortage could force them to cancel the regular Thursday Curry Club.

A spokesman said: “What can I say? It’s hardly our fault that there haven’t been enough sick animals whose carcasses are sold for cost this year.

“Wednesday’s Chicken Club is also under threat because we haven’t been able to source birds rubbery enough. They just haven’t got that bounce.

“And the reduction in immigration numbers means we’re looking for British staff to operate the microwave and I’m afraid they’re simply not skilled enough.

“Our apologies. However, we are still doing a roaring trade in drug users coming in to use our toilets, so we’re far from completely useless.”

Chairman Tim Martin has promised that there will be a surfeit of dangerous and uneatable meat as soon as the UK drops all food standards after Brexit.