Monday, 19th April 2021

Woman to dump man who snaps spaghetti in half before cooking it

A WOMAN who watched her boyfriend snap spaghetti in half before putting it in the pan is wondering how else he will turn out to be a monstrous philistine.

Lucy Parry had previously thought Oliver O’Connor was shaping up to be the perfect boyfriend until witnessing him break the pasta up into manageable pieces like a small child.

Parry said: “I had high hopes for Oliver but when I saw him doing that I started having second thoughts. How hard is it to twist the pasta and let it fall elegantly into the pan?

“Eat some penne if it’s that hard to twist it around your fork. Or fusilli, which has already been twisted for you, you useless man-baby.

“What next? Am I going to find out he still sucks his thumb? Or jumps into bed to make sure the monsters don’t get him? He probably doesn’t, but I don’t want a completely unsophisticated pleb of a boyfriend.”

O’Connor said: “I eat spaghetti hoops when I’m on my own.”