Women more likely to reach orgasm after buying Tupperware

A NEW study has revealed that women are more likely to reach a sexual climax after buying shitloads of plastic tubs.

Researchers found that romantic acts and foreplay were less likely to lead to women having orgasms than a good rummage in the food storage, flasks and bottles aisle at Asda.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “It’s hard to explain. It could be to do with women’s domestic evolutionary role, but The Flintstones may not be 100 percent historically accurate.

“Or it’s possible that Tupperware is strong, rugged and dependable, unlike most men, which is sexually attractive in itself. It’s a kind of Clint Eastwood you can store cold baked beans in.”

Woman Nikki Hollis said: “The last time I properly got off I’d just bought this tub with a blade it in it that can chop onions.

“I can just add a tomato and an egg to that and I’ve got a salad. That kind of practical food storage solution gets me bubbling like a garden water feature.

“A good set of abs on a man is sexy, but they don’t do it for me like a six-pack of stacking boxes tightly pressed together.”

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What sort of 'wanker in sunglasses' vibe are you giving off?

WITH so many designs of sunglasses there’s a multitude of ways to look like a prick. Here’s a handy guide to the vibe you’re giving off.

Mirrored: ‘Creepy bastard’

Because no one can see your eyes everyone thinks you’re perving at people. Which you undoubtedly are, however many times you say you got them to reduce ‘eye strain’.  

Wraparound: ‘Anally retentive’

It’s clear you’re not a nineties R’n’B star, cricketer or Neo in The Matrix. What’s also clear is the tight grip those sunglasses have on your head is nothing compared to the tight control you must have over every aspect of your life.

Yellow and amber tints: ‘Possibly evil’

Do your sunglasses change to a sinister shade of yellow? It’s entirely possible that when your shades change colour, so does your personality, like Jekyll and Hyde, and you become capable of murder. Even if you don’t you still look like Bono, which is worse.

Aviators: ‘Boring bastard’

You think you’re giving off a Top Gun vibe and that you’re cool yet dangerous. However Aviators are a clear sign of compensating for a lack of personality and your favourite topic of conversation is probably asset management.

Sunglasses on the Tube: ‘Lunatic or wanker’

Wearing shades in an underground tunnel where there’s no sun definitely calls your sanity into question. Either that or you think you look ‘cool’ when everyone is silently thinking ‘wanker’.