PEOPLE often fail to appreciate your bravery and stoicism when suffering from a cold. But as you lie on the sofa, you know your heroism outshine the wusses in these films.
The Shawshank Redemption
Audiences loved Andy Dufresne because he kept going with his admittedly stupid escape plan whatever the uncaring system and other inmates threw at him, which unfortunately was sometimes their cocks. Like Andy, you too refused to give up. You made some toast earlier.
300
The Spartans are in danger of being overwhelmed by one million Persians rather than snot, but the principle is the same. And showing similar determination to Leonidas, you refused to stay in bed and came downstairs and watched This Morning under a duvet. However 300 is clearly a mythologised account, whereas your story is entirely true.
The Exorcist
Quite simply, Regan’s projectile vomiting looks pretty mild compared to some of the greenies you’ve been hawking up. Is demonic possession the cause of your cold? It seems likely.
The Bridge Over the River Kwai
Being a WW2 Japanese prisoner of war wasn’t a barrel of laughs, and at one point Alec Guinness is put in the cramped metal ‘sweat box’ in the tropical heat for several days. However you doubt it compares to the dangerously high temperature you’ve been running, even if your girlfriend has pressed the back of her hand to your brow and says it ‘feels normal’.
The Revenant
Leo DiCaprio travels through the frozen Montana wilderness after being mauled by a bear, eating raw meat to survive. Similarly, you just went to Sainsbury’s to buy paracetamol and Lucozade. The difference is you only had a jacket on while Leo was wrapped up all snug and warm in a great big bear pelt. Your story is more worthy of a film adaptation.
127 Hours
Cutting off your own arm because it’s stuck under a rock must be agony, but let’s not forget the chafed skin where you’ve been blowing your nose. Danny Boyle’s film is a true story, but so is your dilemma over whether to have a good blow or let the mucus dribble down disgustingly. It’s the stuff of nightmares, and so is cutting off your arm.
Casino Royale
True, Bond manages to hold out against Le Chiffre’s torture, but you held out for four hours before taking more paracetamol like it says in the instructions. Not for the first time, you thought you might be good MI6 material.
Rocky
Supposedly the inspirational story of an underdog who refuses to give up, but you’ve got your doubts. You felt a bit dizzy when you were making a Lemsip, but you didn’t go down like Rocky does in the 15th round. Plus you’ve got a new deadly strain of flu, according to your self-diagnosis, whereas Rocky isn’t ill at all. You fail to see what the fuss is about.
Dying Young
This 1991 tearjerker doesn’t end well due to Campbell Scott’s leukaemia, and you can empathise with his plight. Okay, you haven’t died, but you’ve kept fighting even without the incentive of the young Julia Roberts fawning over you. You are the better man here, you feel.
