AN anti-mask activist is racking his brains for ways to make a prick of himself when the rules on face coverings change, he has confirmed.
Bill McKay is counting down the days until he does not have to obey the rules he has been ignoring for months by thinking of alternative public health measures he can disregard in return for attention.
McKay said: “Elasticated pieces of fabric that save lives have been a real boon for pathetic contrarian twats like me. But with that party winding down I’ll be forced to diversify.
“Come July 20 you can expect to see me protesting against seatbelts, saying it’s a nonsense we can’t smoke in pubs, and throwing defibrillators in canals. And when I’m not doing that I’ll only be taking one lateral flow test a week. Stick that, The Man.
“I’m also busy thinking of nicknames for hand sanitiser. All I’ve got so far is ‘woke juice’ but I’m sure there’s something edgier and more moronic in there somewhere.
“Or, if it’s easier, I might flip over and become a pro-mask zealot. I reckon I could get into bellowing at fellow bus passengers that they’re gambling with my life and my granny died because they refused to wear a simple mask.
“As long as I get to be a self-righteous wanker. That’s the main thing.”