A TOTAL scumbag is defying the ageing process by getting more attractive as the years pass by, it has emerged.
50-year-old silver fox Norman Steele has not succumbed to the ravages of time as he is supposed to, and has instead improved with age like a fine wine, to the annoyance of everyone who knows him.
Friend Martin Bishop said: “I’ve known Norman since we were teenagers. Back then I’d bully him for his gawky looks, like his hamster cheeks and his overbite. Oh how the tables have turned.
“With each passing year his infuriating body finds new ways to get more and more attractive, meanwhile mine is gradually degenerating into a flabby, toothless heap. Even his receding hairline gives him a refined air whereas my bald spot just looks deeply repellent.”
Colleague Wayne Hayes said: “I hoped the wrinkles around his eyes would be a turn-off, but the women in the office swooned over him even harder when those craggy lines set in. Can’t he develop a liver spot or two to balance things out? It’s only fair.”
Steele said: “What’s my secret? A good diet and regular exercise. Oh, and winning the genetic lottery probably helped too.”