Being on Facebook not a medical qualification, idiots told

OWNING a Facebook account does not mean you can give all your friends dodgy medical advice, doctors have warned.

The British Medical Association said having a social media profile is not the same as six years of medical school, however confident you feel about diagnosing ill people.

GP Tom Booker said: “We’re asking the public not to leap in with bullshit medical advice whenever a friend is unwell, such as telling them eating lots of cheese is good for migraines.

“On Facebook people constantly ask for advice and tell you their intimate medical problems, so we can see how users could become confused about not actually being a doctor.

“We’d also ask them to refrain from scaring people shitless, for example by convincing someone with a perfectly ordinary cold they’ve got Lassa fever.”

Facebook user and armchair medic Donna Sheridan said: “I can’t believe these so-called doctor idiots are trying to undermine my 11 years of medical training on Facebook.

“I told my friend Derek to keep using my favourite herbal remedies and I’m sure his appendicitis would have cleared up if they hadn’t rushed him to hospital.”

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Caravan holidays just gateway to swinging, grandparents admit

CARAVAN holidays are a tentative step towards kinky retirement-age swinging, the nation’s grandparents have admitted.

Retired couples like Roy and Janice Hobbs are buying caravans for the sense of freedom, inexpensive holidays and potential for getting it on with other broadminded seniors.

Janice Hobbs said: “We love setting up camp, meeting interesting people and wondering if other freewheeling caravanners are up for a bit of slap and tickle.

“We’ve heard there’s a bit of a ‘scene’ and owning a caravan is a definite in. We’ve not had much luck yet, but we think the polite chit chat and occasional barbecue is probably caravan swinger hazing.”

Roy Hobbs said: “We’ve left the family at home and loaded up on Cialis. We’re completely free spirits and we’re ready for some hot caravan action.

“Admittedly the last couple we met just wanted to visit a cathedral and talk about chemical toilets. I didn’t expect people who own a caravan to be so square, but we did have some very nice scones in a tea shop.

“I’m sure we’ll meet some swingers soon but if not we’ll just have to look up dogging on the internet.”