EVERYONE in Britain is fighting something off until further notice.
The nation began to feel very slightly under the weather at the end of last week and is expected to remain that way at least until next April.
Roy Hobbs, an insurance salesman with a slightly blocked up nose, said: “I’m teetering on the brink of legitimate illness, torn between the desire to remain well and the lure of time off work.
“For the time being I intend to remain at my desk coughing emphatically while ostentatiously nursing a mug of Lemsip.
“Meanwhile I will build a stack of used tissues that towers over me like a monument to self-sacrifice.
“If anyone asks how I am, I’ll adopt a pained tone and insist that I’m fine.”
Hobbs also expressed a keen desire to exchange as many germs as possible with like-minded colleagues in the hope that one of them develops a fever worthy of the hallowed day in bed.