BRITAIN is on the brink of a golden age where the majority of the population is fat.
The country is expected to pass the magic number of 50 percent obesity sooner than believed, paving the way for a government of the fat.
Weight consultant, Julian Cook, said: The easiest way to prevent the imminent ban on sugar is a fat majority.
Vote lemonade and Monster Munch, vote pillowy mounds of glorious human flesh.
I’m looking forward to ‘no fruit Fridays’ and a multi-million pound NHS campaign called Cheese It!.
And, of course, a tax system which punishes cyclists without mercy.
He added: Were conditioned to believe that fat is bad because the thin control the agenda. The thin hate humanity and want there to be less of it by overall volume.
Martin Bishop, from Stevenage, said: I like to think Ill be magnanimous, but I wont be.
I cant wait to call someone a thin bastard. Ill be like have another tangerine, you big hatstand.
And then Ill hound them from mainstream society.