WHEN British people celebrate things they usually end up in hospital, it has been confirmed.
Following an influx of dangerously intoxicated humans at Leicester hospital, researchers found that the British style of expressing joy generally ends with some form of emergency medical treatment.
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “In America, they celebrate things like sporting or political victories with one small can of diluted lager and some Oreos.
“However, we have a different approach, which involves drinking near-suicidal amounts and then falling off a car.”
Plumber Julian Cooker said: “Every time something good happens, from a football victory or the birth of a child to a reasonable successful trip to Ikea, I go out and drink so much that I nearly die.
“Same if anything bad happens. I think that’s why they started the NHS.”