Wednesday, 30th September 2020

Calm the f**k down, says dog who's eaten chocolate

A DOG that has eaten a bar of chocolate has instructed his hysterical owners to sit down and chill the f**k out. 

Black-and-white collie Jack Bates stole the bar of Dairy Milk from a table and ate the lot in a corner, prompting his owners to act like the f**king sky is falling in or something.

Bates said: “Can we just all calm the f**k down for five minutes? Please?

“Yes, chocolate is bad for dogs. Yeah, I suppose it’s poisonous, but I ate one bar. One bar. Alright?

“Come on, remember the 80s? Everyone gave their dog chocolate, the dogs gobbled it up, the dogs were largely fine. This is not an emergency.

“Just because you didn’t used to know about dogs and chocolate doesn’t mean chocolate is now automatically fatal for dogs. I say again, take a f**king breath.”

Owner Donna Sheridan said: “Oh my God, he keeps barking. I think he’s in pain. I’m calling the emergency vet.”