A MAN who is neither a father nor subject to the stresses of being a parent still has the proper dad bod, witnesses have agreed.
Tom Logan, aged 43, hoped that since he has avoided the path of parenthood he would keep his abs and trim figure into middle age, but instead has a 36-inch waist and a paunch.
He said: “It doesn’t seem fair. It’s not like I’m on my arse looking after toddlers all day, munching Pom-Bears as I follow them round a shitty local park.
“I swim, I cycle, I work in a demanding job. I’m not living on a diet of left-over fish fingers and potato waffles. I’m up and down to the microwave cooking a global range of cuisines.
“Certainly I meet a lot of Tinder dates in bars, and second dates in restaurants, or I’m working late then going to the pub, or meeting friends at the pub, or at the weekend I go on a bracing walk to a country pub. But that’s just an active social life.
“I deliberately avoided having kids, but my heavy gut means everyone assumes I’ve got at least two. I asked a girl away for the weekend and she said ‘Ah, so the children are with your ex?’”
Colleague Helen Archer said: “He makes dad jokes as well and you should’ve seen his dad dancing at the last office do. You can’t cheat genetics.”