AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD watching his mother give birth would rather be at the zoo, it has emerged.
Following the trend for having siblings present in delivery rooms, schoolboy Joseph Turner was invited to share a ‘very special day’, mistakenly thinking he might be getting taken to Longleat Safari Park.
Turner said: “I was fairly sure we were going to a major tourist attraction with big plastic dinosaurs, so I was a bit surprised to end up in a hospital staring at mummy’s private parts.”
Over the next 16 hours, he was able to watch his mother swearing like a hungover bricklayer as her body was gripped by increasingly painful contractions.
Finally her vagina dilated enough to produce a glistening, slime-coated rival child who will get all the attention for the foreseeable future.
Turner said: “It’s weird because I’m not allowed to watch 15-rated films, but this had swearing, violence and nudity.
“I would rate today three out of ten. Not much fun, there aren’t even any rides here unless you count wheelchairs.
“Overall I would say it was both boring and scary, like when we went to Weston-Super-Mare and it rained.”