PEOPLE with colds who claim to have the flu have been reminded that the two things are entirely f*cking different.
Doctor Mary Fisher said: “If you have a cold you do not have the flu, in the same way that having indigestion is not that same as having measles. Or a migraine is not the same as a sprained ankle.
“In fact, in the same way that any two things that are not at all the same are different, unless you are either a malingerer or an absolute moron.
“Flu is a week-long drugs trip during which the sufferer lies inert and shivering while hallucinating about going on a car journey with a clown and a cat they owned when they were eight.
“Sweat fucks out of them as they lose all grip on reality, and after several days of writhing in their own steaming fluids they will either stagger to their feet or die.
“A cold is a having a runny nose.”