Saturday, 30th May 2020

Coronavirus has the bank holiday off, say idiots planning barbecues

IDIOTS planning to meet up for a bank holiday booze-up are convinced it is fine because COVID-19 will be having the weekend off.

Martin Bishop has invited mates round to enjoy some burgers and beers in the garden, safe in the knowledge that the coronavirus is having a rest.

Bishop said: “It’s going to be really hot this weekend so it would be daft not to have a cheeky barby while old COVID can’t hurt you.

“The way I see it is that with thousands of people dying every week from a contagious disease we need a few pints and a laugh with our mates more than ever. 

“The government needs to sort out their priorities and get the pubs open ASAP.  Everyone knows alcohol kills germs so people would be perfectly safe. 

“A booze-up is just what the doctor ordered. Although when I say ‘doctor’ I mean ‘my mate Steve’ who’s into coronavirus conspiracy theories on Facebook.”

Earlier this week Bishop made several long shopping trips to buy cheap sausages, burgers and coleslaw, using the planned barbecue to protect him.