Monday, 8th March 2021

Dentistry is expensive because mouths are gross, dentists confirm

DENTISTS have confirmed that they charge huge amounts as compensation for having to spend their working lives staring into your disgusting mouths. 

The profession’s average earnings of £90,000 is justified, according to those in it, because all the horrible stuff they have to deal with like spit and abcesses and gums and moustache hairs.

Dentist Julian Cook said: “Ever had a look in your own mouth? Spoiler alert, it’s a fucking state in there.

“And people don’t come to us when their mouths are doing well. They come to us when they can’t bear the pain anymore and several different areas are dead and rotting, and we’re meant to fix it.

“Imagine screwing a false tooth into the bone beneath the gum, and not spending the next month shuddering in horror. Dealing with the nightmares is why I get paid so much.

“Once I accidentally touched that little punchbag thing in an old man’s throat. So fucking gross. Oh God, I’m going to throw up.”

Proctologist Dr Helen Archer said: “Arguably our job is worse, but you don’t get into looking up arses for a living if you’re not into it in the sickest possible way.”