Ex-raver dad delivers unconvincing drugs chat

A FATHER who used to take loads of Ecstasy has warned his teenage son of the perils of drugs.

44-year-old Wayne Hayes, who once double-dropped White Callies at a Biology rave, was forced to take action after his son David was caught smoking a joint outside school.

Sitting on his son’s bed and sighing loudly, Hayes said: “I’m so very disappointed in you. You know that drugs are bad, right? They mess up your mind and your body.”

His son David countered: “Didn’t you used to go to raves though dad?”

Neglecting to mention the time he took eight pills at the legendary Castlemorton free party, Hayes replied: “Once or twice, and obviously there were some drugs there, but we just went for the music. I would always drive anyway.

“We used to see people standing on speakers with their shirts off, just punching the air in time to the beat like zombies. I’m fairly sure they were on drugs, and I bet they’re all in prison now.

“You’re better off getting into sport, perhaps rugby, then getting a job in finance and a mortgage. That’s proper fun.”

The conversation ended with David pretending to feel remorse about smoking weed, and handing a small bag of cannabis to his father so that he could dispose of it safely.

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Bear Grylls attempting to survive London on average salary

BEAR Grylls’ latest challenge is to live in London while earning £12.50 an hour.

The survival expert is filming a new Channel 4 series in which he attempts to survive equipped only with an average income and a ‘studio flat’ in Clapham.

Grylls said: “Once I’d paid my £1,300 rent and put some money on my Oyster card there was nothing left for food, so I set a snare for my neighbour’s cat and cooked it in the sink.

“Tomorrow I’ll set up some Polynesian bird traps on Clapham Common, so at least I’ll have some sparrows to put in my sandwiches.

“I need some new shoes too, so I’ll cut down a tree and hope no one notices I’m wearing crude wooden flip-flops.”

He added: “I can’t afford to do anything except stay in and worry about money, which is really depressing when you’re meant to be doing all the stuff in Time Out.”

Grylls also revealed that his SAS ‘escape and evasion’ skills had allowed him to outwit Tesco security staff while stealing toilet rolls.