WANT to motivate yourself to achieve some minor fitness goal? Download these tracks and imagine you’re at Olympian levels of fitness and not another decrepit jogger gasping for air.
Sabotage – Beastie Boys
You’re going for your first run. You need music to pump you up. You Google ‘Music that will pump me up’ and put the high-octane Sabotage at the top of your playlist. Within about 30 seconds of starting you realise you’ve set off way too fast. As the song reaches its climax, you’re on your knees vomiting behind a hedge.
Eye of the Tiger – Survivor
As the sounds of some of the finest power chords the 80s had to offer rattle around your head, you imagine yourself in an intense, Rocky-esque training montage. Until, that is, you’re overtaken by an elderly lady walking her sausage dog as you wheezily shuffle around the path of your local park.
Don’t Stop Me Now – Queen
When the members of Queen wrote this soaring, uplifting song, they were doing it for you: a man feebly jogging on a gym treadmill leering at women who undoubtedly find you irresistible thanks to your new trainers and lycra shorts. It is indeed possible nothing will stop you now, although the gurgling from your stomach says last night’s vindaloo has other ideas.
Born To Run – Bruce Springsteen
Bruce probably penned this song with a metaphorical use of the word ‘run’. As will be obvious to anyone looking at you stumbling puce and breathless along the pavement. They’ll correctly draw the conclusion that you were instead were ‘born to slump on the sofa eating a whole bargain bucket of KFC’.
Lose Yourself – Eminem
This song’s thumping energy will surely be enough to propel you through the pain, right? No. You’ll soon discover there’s nothing more humbling than standing hands on hips at a pedestrian crossing, gasping for air and desperately hoping that the light doesn’t turn green and make you have to run again, while Eminem screams in your ear like a shit Mr Motivator.