Face masks make me look stupid, says man wearing Crocs

A MAN who leaves the house in brightly coloured plastic clogs refuses to wear protective face masks because he thinks they make him look stupid.

Tom Booker has been wearing shiny green Crocs in public since 2006 without any sense of embarrassment, yet cannot don a piece of cloth or paper over his mouth without exposing himself to dangerous ridicule.

Booker said: “I have a keen eye for style, and there’s no way a face mask would fit with the rest of my wardrobe, which includes a number of Hawaiian shirts and Alpaca chullos.

“Also there’s nothing quite like feeling the wind rush through your toe hair as you hit the town in a pair of oversized plastic shoes. Every time I wear them out people stop and stare in amazement. You don’t get that with face masks.

“If they somehow found a way to make face masks look as dignified and elegant as Crocs, I could be tempted. Perhaps the boffins should prioritise that over looking for a vaccine?”

Bystander Stephen Malley said: “I thought shoes like that were already for people with a serious medical problem. You’re not telling me he chooses them?”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

President Trump or President Kanye: which would be the absolute f**king worst?

THE USA could choose another four years of Trump, or gamble on an even bigger twat by electing President Kanye West. Who would suck harder? 


As a real-estate developer Trump’s business model is firmly based on ripping everybody off. Kayne is a classic Kenyesian economist, in that he spends shitloads constantly and doesn’t give one f**k, which while unsophisticated is a proven method of beating recession.

Foreign policy

Trump was delusional enough to get on well with Boris Johnson and Kim Jong-un. But Kanye is twice as egomaniacal and would force them to record bars for an upcoming track, leaving them humbled and terrified. Even China’s tiny compared to Kanye’s towering self-regard.

First lady

The White House belongs to America. So why aren’t there cameras in there filming every moment of the First Family’s life to sell overseas? Melania calls herself a model, but Kim Kardashian would really monetise every aspect of the Oval Office for Instagram likes.

Military leadership

Who would the army rather take orders from, a fat man with f**ked-up hair and tiny little eyes or the man who made bangers like Power, Stronger, and Black Skinhead that sound great on your headphones as you’re air-striking Al Qaeda or whoever? No contest.

Fighting coronavirus

Trump won’t wear a facemask because he’s so insecure he thinks it makes him look unmanly. Kanye wore a full-face crystal facemask for his whole 2013 tour. This both sets a good example to Americans and makes him look like Cobra Commander, so win-win.


America deserves Kanye.