INFECTION numbers are through the roof again, because nobody’s done any of these since Monday July 19th:
Wearing a mask
You’d worn a cloth over your mouth for months. But nobody else in the shops was wearing them and you looked like a freak, so you stopped. For a while you thought that anti-maskers might be onto something, but now look where we are.
Doing regular tests
Ramming a swab down your throat and up your nose sucks, but it had a clear purpose. You knew if you had it. But the tests ran out and you’ve been double-jabbed so it’s game over for Covid, right? The looming threat of another cancelled Christmas suggests otherwise.
Last April you’d take your chances against traffic if someone was walking towards you. Now you’re huddled around your mates in the pub, spluttering into each other’s faces about the gig you’re at next week. You thought those faded two-meter things in shop queues were a faded curio.
Sanitising your hands
Sure, you’ll give them a scrubbing after taking a dump, and maybe a quick rinse after a piss, but that’s it. And half the sanitiser pumps in shops and pubs ran dry months ago so when you use them you just get alcohol-scented air.
Not touching your face
Being unable to rub your eyes with your potentially diseased hands was a bit weird, but you improvised. Since Freedom Day you’ve been clawing at your face with wild abandon and cultivated a deadly new variant in the process. If there’s another lockdown it’s on you.