Saturday, 4th April 2020

Five excellent upsides to the coronavirus crisis

CAN you remember the last time anyone mentioned Brexit? Despite the misery of coronavirus maybe it’s not all bad. Here are some more silver linings.

People finally give a shit about personal hygiene

If you’ve long despaired about people swanning out of the work toilets without washing their hands after taking a dump, despair no more. Now you have to get those hands nice and clean or be cast out of society like a modern-day leper.

You’ve proved to your boss you can work from home

Has your boss claimed for years that it’s not possible for you to work from home without giving a good reason? That’s because there isn’t one, and now they don’t have a leg to stand on when you fancy a day lolling around in your pyjamas.

Eurovision is cancelled

Eurovision is never as hilarious as people say and the search for the UK’s song is unbearably tedious. The one we choose is invariably shit and no one gives us any points anyway because we’re the national equivalent of a petulant child. This year we’ll be spared the humiliation. See also: all sporting events.

Boris Johnson gets scrutinised on a daily basis

Before the crisis the prime minister appeared to be phoning it in whilst spending the majority of his time on holiday in Mustique. Now we’ve got a daily opportunity to watch him squirm awkwardly and look frankly terrified by his ‘dream job’.

We don’t have to hear about Brexit for a bit

Thank f**k.