‘Free spirit’ has 48 very specific dietary requirements

A WOMAN who is really happy to ‘go with the flow’ also won’t eat anything without first thoroughly inspecting the ingredients list.

Emma Bradford said: “I’m a very laid-back person. I’ll just throw myself into any situation – spontaneous road trips, ayahuasca ceremonies, sex parties…it’s not my fault if I have a couple of food allergies.

“I can’t tolerate gluten, sugar, eggs, dairy, which I also avoid on ethical grounds, aspartame, anything processed, any numbers that start with letters, anything a caveman wouldn’t have eaten, anything a caveman would have eaten, anything that was harvested during the full moon, especially if I’m menstruating – oh, and any food where its likeness has been personified in a cartoon. Just in case it feels pain.

“For someone as chilled as me, all these afflictions can be challenging, but I checked with my naturopath and they’re all genuine allergies.

“I still have the occasional naughty treat, like raw chocolate bars and chia seed date balls, although I always regret it afterwards.”

Childhood friend Nikki Hollis said: “It’s really interesting how all these allergies popped up at once, around the time she started wearing ‘interesting’ hats.

“We were all happy to humour her until she brought a beetroot cake to my birthday party. That isn’t a cake, it’s an abomination.”