Sunday, 8th December 2019

Fruit not a snack, say kids

CHILDREN tired of being told to have an apple whenever they are hungry are calling for fruit to no longer be classified as a snack. 

Kids aged between three and 16 have confirmed that when they request a snack they are requesting the kind of snacks adults have, for example a Kit Kat Chunky or packet of pickled onion crisps.

Eight-year-old Joe Turner said: “I don’t see the grown-ups reaching for a kiwi fruit when their blood sugar’s low. They’re straight on the chocolate Hob-Nobs.

“An apple isn’t a snack. It’s just a crunchy green ball of sadness.  I do not want to munch on sadness after a long day of phonics.

“And don’t get me started on bananas. That’s like unwrapping a pair of novelty underpants from your gran on Christmas day. Unacceptable.

“If we have to have our ‘Five A Day’, and again I notice the adults aren’t, it’s only fair that Fruit Pastilles, big glasses of blackcurrant and those giant strawberrys from sweetshops are included.

“Or, alternatively, stop buggering about and give us biscuits.”