Saturday, 4th April 2020

Gammons demand referendum on telling the coronavirus to sod off

BRITAIN’S gammons have called for a referendum to tell the coronavirus to get lost like we did with the EU.

Middle-aged Brexit fans believe another vote would allow the UK to become independent of the coronavirus, which is also foreign and makes them angry now Wetherspoons is shut.

Leave voter Roy Hobbs said: “Referendums sort out everything. Look how brilliant everything has been since we completely left the EU earlier this year.

“Nigel Farage can come back to campaign against the virus. He’s a bloody legend who told Jean-Claude Juncker to get lost, so if anyone can beat a deadly global pandemic, it’s Nigel.” 

Fellow Brexiter Martin Bishop said: “We’d need a good slogan like ‘Taking back control’, maybe ‘We’re not getting ill’. If we put it on the side of a bus that should do it.

“We might even win with a majority that isn’t total bollocks this time.”