PEOPLE who get drunk and then empty their bladder on and around their boss's workspace are the victims of 21st century society, a major study has revealed.
Researchers at Dundee University found that modern working patterns, new technologies and the chemical make-up of food and drink, meant people could end up urinating on their boss's desk even if they had tried not to.
Research chief Dr Tom Logan said it was becoming easier for people to have a few drinks, sneak back to the office, disable the CCTV system and – having bribed the cleaners – obtain keys so that you can get into your boss's office and urinate and/or defecate all over his chair, desk and surrounding carpet.
He added: "If this is the sort of thing you were to get involved in, say this Friday night, it would not, in any way, be your fault.
"Not that I'm encouraging people to do it, but if you did – and let's be honest, it would gain you the respect of your colleagues – you would not be to blame. At all."
The food and drinks industry has already responded to criticism that its products make it harder for people to accept even the slightest inkling of individual repsonsibilty.
The Vodka Manufacturers and Distributors Association is to fund a new marketing campaign with the slogan: "If It's Out of Your Hands, Why Not Order Trebles?"
Meanwhile Burger King has launched its Blame-Free Meal Deal, including the Triple-Cheese No-Fault Whopper with I'm the Victim Here Fries and a spacehopper filled with Diet Pepsi.