Gymgoer briefly graces job with her presence

A WOMAN who exercises before work, after work and on her lunch break has decided to briefly pop into the office.

Sweaty activewear-clad HR manager Nikki Hollis caused confusion and amazement after swinging by her desk, dashing off an email, and picking up her yoga mat before rushing out again.

Colleague Tom Logan said: “I rubbed my eyes in disbelief. Nikki, in the office? Doing actual work? If I hadn’t seen it for myself I would’ve called bullshit.

“At first I didn’t recognise her. Was she a new hire who hadn’t been formally introduced? Has management paid for us all to have a personal trainer? Then I realised it’s Nikki, who’s so focused on her health she gets away with doing f**k all.

“Like Halley’s comet or the Northern Lights, seeing Nikki breeze through on her way to her Pilates class was a once in a lifetime experience that I won’t forget anytime soon. Definitely one to tell the grandkids.”

Hollis said: “I’m surprised nobody knows where I’ve been, going to the gym is all I talk about when I’m in the office. Don’t they listen?”

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It is unacceptable that Northern Ireland is separated from us by a sea, by Mark Francois

By Mark Francois, member for Rayleigh and Wickford and chair of the ERG

BACK in Neolithic Britain, when everyone voted Conservative, there was no sea between Britain and Northern Ireland. Who put it there? The EU. 

Determined to reduce our proud country no matter what the cost, they flooded the land between and divided a nation in two. Arrogantly they called it the ‘Irish Sea’, even though its waters are plainly British. 

And since that day they have continued to divide us. Whether with the ridiculous promotion of the ‘Irish language’ or the fool’s parade that is the ‘Irish identity’, the EU has never ceased attempting to separate us. 

Today they try again. The so-called president of the EU Commission – I don’t remember voting for her – is visiting us and colluding with Boris’s Brutus to sever our economic unity with the none-more-British state of Northern Ireland. 

Yes, that proud part of Ireland which refused to fall for the delusion that it was a separate country will be betrayed again. First the deeply unpopular Good Friday agreement. Now this. 

Well I, and my fellow Spartans, say no. Whatever the deal. No to a border in the Irish Sea and no to the Irish Sea. Get rid of this artificial barrier set up to deny Britain territory and greatness. 

We will brook no compromise with the EU. Drain that water. Ship it to the Channel, which could do with being a bit higher to stop migrants crossing it. No Irish Sea or no deal. 

This is the ERG’s new red line. We dare you to cross it.