Health advice just assumes nobody does manual work these days

EXPERTS giving out dietary advice believe everyone spends their days sitting down in a nice warm office, it has emerged.

Following recommendations that Britons do not eat a piece of meat bigger than the palm of their hand, doctors confirmed that only applies if you do not have to push a wheelbarrow full of bricks.

Doctor Nikki Hollis said: “Of course all this is aimed at – I hesitate to say civilised people – but people who do proper jobs with computers and smart clothes.

“If you’re outside all day lifting things you probably need to eat, I don’t know, at least two handfuls of spinach. And maybe a small bag of cashew nuts.

“It’s also important for people like bricklayers, if indeed they still exist, to go running or to the gym five times a week for thirty minutes. Just to get some physical activity.”

Builder Roy Hobbs said: “I want to stay healthy because they keep raising the retirement age, which again is fine if you aren’t physically destroyed from four decades of moving heavy things around.

“To be honest though, whatever they recommended I would still eat a daily fry up bigger than my head.”