Highway Maintenance van loves shitting up other motorists

A HIGHWAY Maintenance driver has admitted that making BMWs panic when they mistake him for the police is the best part of his job.  

Drainage engineer Martin Bishop confessed that while the thrill of checking drains along the M1 has long since worn off, the joy of watching a Porsche Cayenne slam on the brakes in terror has not faded even slightly. 

He said: “You have to know how to use it. If they see you from a distance they can tell you’re not the real thing. 

“The best way is to hide between about four HGVs in the inside lane, then suddenly pop out into the middle. Bang. Someone’s just shat in their Audi. 

“It’s amazing the power a few diagonal hi-viz stripes have. Company directors, Premier League footballers, Gordon Ramsey, I’ve made ‘em all pump the brakes then shake their fists in anger as they zoom past. 

“Though it’s not about the big names. I get just as much pleasure from watching four teenagers in a 1998 Ford Ka rapidly decelerate as I do, say, Tinie Tempah in his Ferrari.

“I like to think, in my own way, I’m making the roads safer. Except for anyone who’s behind them.”