Idiot dogs told to insure themselves

OWNERS of idiotic dogs have told their pets to pay for their own health insurance.

As the number of pet insurance claims soared, dogs who eat stones and think barbed wire is made of jam are facing a hike in the cost of living.

Dog owner Martin Bishop said: “I pay £40 a month so this cretin can do whatever the hell he wants.

“He needs to get a proper job and start contributing. Or at least just fucking listen to me when I tell him not to eat stones.”

Bishop’s Springer Spaniel, Roy Hobbs, said: “It’s not my fault that stones are so utterly delicious. They should be made out of something softer, like chocolate, which as any dog knows, is not remotely poisonous.”

Hobbs added: “I don’t suppose you’ve got any stones on you? I’m absolutely starving.”