PRESIDENT Trump has recommended injections of disinfectant, UV lights and regular applications of snake oil to cure COVID-19. But what else is he suggesting?
Putting your head in the microwave
These things, we all have them in our kitchens, but they are so powerful against germs. They zap the germs. Kill them all in a minute. One minute! You meddle with the safety catch in the door – they put that in under Obama – put it on a 60-second programme, gone. I’m not saying try it, but try it.
Gold
They’re saying gold can do a lot against this virus. Medical experts, some of the top guys, say that if you put a little gold leaf in your food, your Cokes, it just chases the virus straight out of your system like that. So gold. Everyone can afford a little gold.
Magnets
Nobody knows how magnets work, you know that? Not scientists, not even Nobel prize winners. They think they’re so smart but it’s a mystery. I have a theory. But put yourself between two powerful magnets and it just polarises the virus. Polarises it right up.
Staying in a five-star Trump Hotel
We got the statistics back and nobody gets the virus in a Trump hotel. Unbelievable, right? It must be the hygiene, which is fantastic, I hire the best people. You can’t get it if you stay in a Trump hotel or resort, and if you’ve got it and go to one you’re cured. Incredible.
Any Infinity Stone
You seen these things? Most powerful objects in the universe. And they send out these rays, invisible rays, and they I think can go through the skin and kill the virus. I’ve got one. Putin’s got two. Maybe they’ll disintegrate you, maybe they won’t. I’m not a doctor.
