Is your body a temple or a dodgy kebab shop?

DO you treat your body like a beautiful temple or stuff it full of questionable meat and grease? See where you fall on the scale.

Your body is a whole food health shop if…

You have removed all the fun from eating and drinking by insisting it is sugar-free, additive-free and joy-free. You feel good but haven’t got any friends because you tend to drone on about things like miso soup.

Your body is a Waitrose if…

You smugly fill it with butternut squash, hummus and macadamia nuts. Unless no one is looking, in which case you shovel down a tub of ice cream. You are a bit confused, and think that anything ‘artisanal’ is good for you.

Your body is a Pizza Express if…

You convince yourself that you’re healthy because you eat a cursory amount of salad, but are ultimately just here to eat melted cheese and dip balls of nutrition-free dough in a big bowl of butter.

Your body is a Wetherspoons if…

You don’t mind abusing it with endless pints of cheap lager and favour a diet based on things like cheap burgers, fried eggs and curly fries. You may well have high blood pressure, just like many of the regulars at ‘Spoons.

Your body is a KFC if…

You’ve given up any pretence of eating healthily and just want to immerse yourself in a huge bucket of chicken and BBQ sauce until you suffocate.

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Man unable to stop watching TV show he hates

A MAN who has grown to hate a TV show refuses to miss a single episode, it has emerged.

After committing to long-running drama Apocalypse, Nathan Muir now cannot stop watching despite seething with annoyance at how rubbish it has become.

Muir said: “I only got into it because everyone at work was talking about it. But after 12 seasons it’s become a cornerstone of my identity.

“After investing so much time I feel I have to keep watching to see what happens. Unfortunately it’s usually the same stories but in a different place.

“My wife says if I don’t like it anymore I should just stop watching, but at this point it’s a staring contest between me and the show’s creators, and I’m not blinking first.

“I spend hours complaining about it online and posting vitriolic reviews on YouTube. Is that normal with a programme you’re supposed to like?”

Muir’s partner Donna Sheridan said: “I’ll be glad when they cancel it. I hate seeing Nathan looking so sad while he’s watching his favourite show.”