THE NHS staffing crisis is the worst ever and has no connection whatsoever with any of these issues:
Low pay
Those who are drawn to the caring professions – doctors, nurses, pharmaceutical technicians – aren’t motivated by anything as crass as money. They’re in it to make a difference, like the volunteers at the food banks they visit so frequently.
Training costs
It costs a mere £100,000 or so to become a doctor and often only £30,000 to become a nurse, so the cost is no bar to the ambitious. That’s why nursing bursaries were withdrawn to eliminate the freeloaders.
A pandemic
Nothing shows how much we need the NHS like a pandemic, and nothing shows appreciation for risking your life like a doorstep clap and a pandemic medal. Staff won’t have been burnt out by it. They’ll have been reinvigorated.
Long hours
Junior doctors aren’t like mere fallible humans. They thrive on 48-hour shifts, calculating dosages of deadly drugs in their heads, and sleeping in their cars. It’s like an extreme sport to them. They’d no sooner give it up than a base jumper would his wingsuit.
Parking charges
Medical workers are people of science. They know time is fixed and immutable, and if they’re two minutes late to their car because of a patient’s heart attack they’ll be fined £40. They wouldn’t quibble that any more than they’d quibble gravity.
Waiting times
NHS staff love to see patients queuing up waiting for life-saving care because it shows how popular they are. The guarantee of future employment is like a pension for them, offsetting the news about their pensions.
Inadequate funding
Telling a patient that unfortunately they won’t learn to speak again after their stroke because the funding’s been cut is no big deal to an NHS worker. They’re no more disheartened than a mechanic explaining your car’s failed its MOT.
Brexit
Nothing is Brexit’s fault except happiness. The exodus of trained foreign medical staff is of no account. If they didn’t love Britain they wouldn’t be safe treating Britons, so good riddance.
Conservative governments
Everyone deserves to be sexually fulfilled, and Tories get off on treating public sector workers like shit. That has no bearing on staff shortages. They are an integral part of this erotic dance and love it really.
