THE prime minister has assured Britain’s voters that the loathing is entirely mutual. 

Keir Starmer has looked at council election results and a likely wipeout for Labour in Scotland and Wales and seen in them the mirror of his own detestation.

He said: “You hate me just as much as I hate you, then. Honestly that’s comforting to know. I was beginning to feel like I was a bad person.

“I can admit now I didn’t think much of you back in 2024, given you’re the same twats that voted Brexit and gave Boris Johnson a majority. But I tried to approach things with an open mind. Maybe you had something to offer. What other choice was there?

“But not even two years in, I can confirm that my opinion of you has absolutely plummeted. I’m in here trying to fix stuff while Trump throws shit about like a demented orang-utan and you’re embracing any lying populist who promises you money.

“My approval’s at negative 70? That’d be a step up for you pricks. I’m only carrying on now out of spite. You think you deserve a better leader? I think deserve a better electorate. But we’re f**king stuck with each other, aren’t we?

“I hope that hurts you as much as it does me. Now piss off and enjoy your shitty little right-wing councils. I’ve got a knobhead country to run.”