Tuesday, 7th July 2020

Man staying alert for 0.125 micron-sized threat

A MAN is watching out for objects 400 times smaller than can be seen with the naked eye so as not to catch coronavirus. 

Tom Logan was warned to stay alert for COVID-19, the vanishingly tiny virion recognisable only by specialists using powerful electron microscopes, and is wheeling around suddenly in case it is sneaking up behind him.

Holding a jeweller’s loupe and a miniscule butterfly net, he said: “The Government advice to stay alert is absolutely spot on. That’s why I’m keeping my eyes peeled for this microscopic genome at all times.

“You see this grain of sand? Could be thousands on there. Tens of thousands. Even a dust mite’s like Ayers Rock to them. So staying alert is just common sense.

“If anyone catches it, when they’ve had that warning, well, can’t really blame it on anyone else can they? Not nearly alert enough.”

Booker then shielded his eyes from the sun, scanned the horizon, and satisfied there was no coronavirus in the area, returned inside.