AN OFFICE worker has called in sick for the second day on the trot so that no one will ever know he didn’t have what he’s calling ‘a nasty bug’.
Wayne Hayes pretended to be ill for longer than his usual ‘one day weekend extension’, to ensure that his boss believes he has a medically diagnosable condition and is not just taking the absolute piss.
Hayes said: “To give my absence the ring of truth, I am dragging out my imaginary illness for a little longer.
“On day one, I phoned in and planted the seed that I was seriously under the weather but being brave about it.
“Today, I emailed in with an update on my vague but grievous symptoms, and said I was ‘hopefully on the mend’ but ‘still feeling pretty rough’.
“My team thought I was dicking around at first, but today the pendulum has swung in my favour and suddenly it sounds like I’m genuinely ill. One of them just texted to wish me well.
“What a gullible bastard.”
Hayes added: “I would never fake-take three days off sick because expectations are too high that you’ll come back to the office with some genuine illness residue. I can’t act that sick – I’m not Eddie Redmayne.”