Man who has taken up boxing getting punched a lot

A MAN who has taken up boxing so he can tell people he is a boxer admitted he is basically paying money to get punched in the face.

Marketing manager Tom Booker began sparring six months ago in the hope that he would become impressively tough, but instead is spending all his time with men much larger and tougher and not afraid to prove it.

He said: “I actually took up the sweet science for its meditative qualities. There’s a peace you feel in the ring you can’t find anywhere else. Apparently.

“Am I hard now? I wouldn’t like to say. Probably. People stare at me a lot more in meetings now and I don’t believe it’s just because my nose has moved.

“There are no downsides, apart from perhaps handing over good money to be punched in the face and body repeatedly, with malice.”

Booker added: “I’ve talked myself into a nightmare from which I can’t escape. What would you think of me if I got into ping pong?”

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Woman who hasn’t seen Stranger Things successfully bluffing with 80s references

A WOMAN drawn into conversation about Stranger Things has fooled everyone into believing she has seen it by making a series of vague 1980s references.

36-year-old Carolyn Ryan ignored the Netflix show on the basis that it was by kids for kids, but has held her own in the lengthy discussion by mentioning Stephen King, BMX bikes and the phrase ‘reminiscent of the themes of John Carpenter’.

She said: “It started as a joke. I was just like ‘yeah, Emilo Estevez, Dungeons & Dragons, Ghostbusters’ expecting them to laugh, but instead they all nodded like it was a reasoned and relevant statement.

“After that whenever the chat turned to me, I’d just say ‘I mean Tron, Rubik’s Cube, Stand By Me, the films of John Hughes’ and it was treated like actual wisdom.

“My only mistake was bringing up Timmy Mallett and Wacaday. Apparently the show hasn’t referenced that yet. Probably in season three.”

Ryan added: “In the end I threw caution to the wind and said my highlight was the comedy fat kid with a speech impediment and almost got a standing ovation.

“It seems that if there’s one thing that sums up the 80s, it’s that.”