Sunday, 25th October 2020

Man with slight cough on bus stared at like survivor hiding zombie bite

A MAN on the bus with a slight cough is being stared at by other passengers like a survivor of the zombie apocalypse hiding a bite. 

Tom Logan of Birmingham has no fever and only an occasional wet cough, but is still being glared at by passengers like they are ready to slit his throat for their own collective good.

He said: “I’m a bit chesty, sure. I haven’t got the coronavirus. I feel fine. I’m not wearing this coat to hide a suppurating bite on my forearm which will turn me into a mindless killer before we reach Smethwick.

“Okay, I did have Chinese food last night, but that’s unrelated. I’m fine. Honestly I’m fine. Please stop looking at me like that.”

Fellow passenger Emma Bradford said: “If he has to be taken out with a shotgun blast to the chest then I’m totally fine being the one who has to do it.

“He should really volunteer, and thank us. We’re saving him as much as anyone. We haven’t got a choice.”

Logan said: “Alright, alright, I smoked a ton of weed last night. Happy now?”