AFTER decades of women being described as being ‘pear-shaped’ and similar, men have been given their own contrived body shapes.
A government spokesman said: “In the interests of gender equality it is time for men to have a crass, superficial way to objectify themselves. Also we hope they will spend money on loose-fitting trousers and flattering maxi dresses.”
New male body shapes include:
* ‘Beach hut on stilts’ – Men with large, solid torsos but unbecomingly thin legs.
* ‘Sontaran’ – Squat, muscular men without necks, good at rugby and mending things.
* ‘Paunchy fox’ – Men with an ‘overhang’ who are improbably successful with women.
* ‘Hard tits cretin’ – TOWIE-obsessed gym addicts with granite hard chest muscles.
Men have welcomed being able to define themselves via physical proportions. Plumber Norman Steele said: “My wife has an ‘hour-glass’ figure but my broad shoulders means I’m more of a ‘clock radio’, so we’re going to get divorced and put the kids into care.
“You can’t argue with body shapes.”