Men Should Have Sex Every Day, Say Men

MEN should have sex every day, according to the latest scientific research by men.

Professor Bill McKay, from the Institute of Scientific Men, said: “Men should have sex every day, I can’t put it any simpler than that.”

According to McKay men having sex everyday would have three key health effects, including:

  • Men having sex every day
  • Sex being had by men every day
  • Daily sex for men

Prof McKay said: “Sex, sex, sex, sex, men, men, men, every day, every day, every day. Do you hear what I am saying?”

The professor said he arrived at his breakthrough scientific conclusion after many hard years of not having sex every day.

He said: “I thought to myself that what I really wanted was sex every day, I then factored into the equation that I was a man and after that everything just fell into place.”

Prof McKay’s report Why Men Should Have Sex Every Day by a Really Important Scientist is to be published later this week with an initial print run of three billion.

He is now working on the follow up publication Why Women Should Stop Denying Men From Having Sex Every Day When it is Proven by Scientists that Men Should Have Sex Every Day.

Asked if it was also true that men having sex every day improved the quality of their sperm and maximised their chances of getting their partners pregnant the professor said: “I couldn’t give a shit.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Lib Dems Begin Search For Dynamic Young Loser

THE Liberal Democrats will today attempt to regain the political initiative as they begin their search for an exciting young loser to lead them into the next election.

The party was in disarray last night as Sir Ming Campbell resigned after taking more than two hours to find his glasses.

In his resignation letter he said: "I was positive I had left them on top of my Len Deighton novel, next to my chair. And before you ask – yes, I have checked the top of my head.

"Before I knew it, it was tea time and I felt it was now in the best interests of the party that I step aside and concentrate full time on finding my spectacles."

He added: "I think they may have fallen down the back of my desk drawer in which case we'll have to move the whole desk. What an absolute bother."

A contest now begins between the party's 'young turks' with Chris Clegg and Nick Huhne among the most anonymous.

Wayne Hayes, professor of Liberal Democrats at Glasgow Clyde University, said: "Chris Nick and Clegg Huhne represent the dynamic new wave in British politics that no-one has ever heard of.

"Instead of appearing on Have I Got News For You or qualifying for Olympic sprint finals they've been standing in front of their bedroom mirrors reciting Bobby Kennedy speeches and pretending to accept awards."

He added: "The great thing about Nick Clegg is that he's a press release in a suit. Meanwhile Chris Huhne's pledge to abolish cars makes him a huge electoral asset."

Nominations open this morning and candidates have until the end of the month to make sure someone has heard of them.

A winner will be declared in December, ousted next March and the party will have ceased to exist by April 2009.