Men With Small Penises Mourn Spam King Arrest

MILLIONS of men with small penises and their wives were last night plunged into despair after the US announced it had arrested the so-called spam king of the internet. 

Is size important? Of course it fucking is!

Robert Soloway, 27, is revered by all men with undersized organs for his frequent offers to provide considerable extra length and girth for their members.

Lawyers working for Mr Soloway denied all the allegations against him saying his penis enlargement e-mails only went to men with really small ones, or their wives or girlfriends.

Gerry O’Toole, Mr Soloway's attorney, said: “Our client has spent many years compiling his database of men with little tiddlers and their partners.

“Be in no doubt: if you have received one of these emails you have a small one, or you are a woman who regularly comes into contact with someone who has a small one.”

Billy Tinkler, 36, of Little Sodbury, said he was distraught that his main chance of "porking up his plonker" had been snatched from his in-box by the US authorities.

He said: “What chance now have I got to be a hero in bed, or to stand out from the other guys in the showers? I just feel really deflated.”

Mrs Tinkler, 37, said: “I don’t cocking believe it. We had just saved up enough for the operation and now this.”

Petula Soul, the in-house agony aunt for the Daily Mash , said that contrary to common belief size was important. She said: “There is nothing more embarrassing for a woman than having to ask 'have you started yet'? This guy was not a spammer, he was a saint.”