Middle-aged man with hefty boobs still calling them 'pecs'

A MIDDLE aged man still believes his manboobs are just well-developed pectoral muscles.

Julian Cook, frequently admires his naked upper body in the mirror having convinced himself his engorged chest is not just a big pair of blubbery tits.

He said: “I guess I’m just lucky to be naturally blessed with this physique. I do feel sorry for other guys that have to work hard at the gym to get this.”

Cook, who is called ‘Funbags’ behind his back, has managed to dupe himself so thoroughly that he expresses bemusement at how he became such a chiselled Adonis – despite really looking more like a sad blancmange.

Wearing a tight t-shirt that showed off the outline of his ample bosom, he added: “I didn’t used to be this buff, I don’t know how it happened. If anything I’m exercising less and eating more, if you can believe it.”

Personal trainer Norman Steele said: “Those are knockers. Big ones.”

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Ryanair 'a totally acceptable casualty of Brexit'

MOST people would be prepared to live in abject poverty if it was guaranteed that Ryanair would go down with them, it has emerged.

With bosses voicing concerns about the impact of a no deal Brexit on the airline, the public say they are fully prepared to crash out of the EU if it means they never have to look at Ryanair’s vile yellow and blue livery ever again.

IT consultant Stephen Malley said: “I travel to Europe a lot for work, so Brexit is going to make my job either a total nightmare or non-existent. However, I will live in a hut and eat grass with pleasure if it also stops Ryanair from being inflicted on humanity.

“I’d be happy for an ‘affordable holiday’ to mean a trip to scavenge in the bins of a slightly further away branch of Tesco after Brexit happens if that fucking bugle sound they play every time a plane lands is silenced forever.

“And if it means I never again have to travel with a stranger basically sitting on my knee because we’ve been crammed in like cattle then I am all for it.

“A no-deal Brexit will be comfortable and convenient by comparison.”